yes. i am getting married on january 2, 2010 and i return to work on jan. 4, 2010.
it has been awhile and once again much has changed.
right now i’m going to lay down and try to sleep off this caffeine buzz from sum amazing iced tea i drank. im way too wide awake for 1 42 am.
Another fork in the road….God is oh so good.
Life has been so much crazier than i ever could have imagined it to be so. I welcome change, but i do not deal with it so easily. I despise the process of change…but i love the results. We do not grow without it. We become more like Christ with it. We become stagnant and stale without it. We are better with it.
In the process of losing my job…in this time God provided me a new one. One that will provide for us exactly what we need. God is oh so good.
Injuring my back has been a major set back in trying to get my body healthy. A lot of change has been made to my physical existence. And still, God is oh sooooo good.
I’m gettting married in 178 days! A whole new meaning to change…
I’ll be living by myself soon with no TV to revert to. Hmmm….
James chapter 3 has convicted me of much. My tongue has recently been out of control. Time for that to change.
God is oh sooooo gooood.
So life has changed and it’s no where near slowing down to any bit of normalcy. If there even is such a thing. So many things I have been forced to question.
One thing I’d like to do before I run out of earthly time is have a picnic with a red picnic blanket and a wicker picnic basket full of fruits and vegetables in a large open field full of tall itchy grass, ants, and bees so far away from civilization that I have nothing to remind me of my daily tasks that never seem to end. So far away that I can hear nothing but the birds, the wind rustling through the tallest trees, and the bullfrogs after dusk. I want nothing to spend those moments there with person I love most in this world.
Mistakes…
We all make them but for some reason the ones I make are never worse than someone else’s. It doesn’t occur to me that my decisions may effect anyone but myself. I’m not always aware of them until they directly effect me. I can easily forgive them, until I’m the one doubled over trying to get up.
I am learning that grace does come…eventually and usually in small subtle ways, unannounced.
Having faith is so much more than believing there is a God. It’s believing that God is who he says he is and actually does what he says he will do. Do I believe that God is bigger than me and what I’m capable of? Do I know God is bigger than anything I’m going through? Do I really?
So my dryer couldve had gum in it, but I didn’t check.
Before I die I would like to hold babies in a Chinese orphanage.
Speaking of death I had to face it this week. I’ve been so fortunate to never have lost anyone close to me. Sunday morning at 6 55 am I lost my grandmother,mostly to cancer,we never knew she had. Even as I am typing this, I feel like I am telling the experience of someone else. She was a beautiful woman with gorgeous skin and had a complex with being squeaky clean before going anywhere. I love her.
I dont even have the words to describe how incredibly blessed to have the 2 most amazing men in my life. I could never ask for more…
I have a running list of things I want to do I’m my lifetime. Im going to start naming one at a time in each blog. The first one I am chosing to share is going on an African safari.
I am still trying to figure out why certain current events in my life are playing out the way they are. I wish I could see a glimpse of why things are happening this way. My patience is wearing thin but I’m trying to fill it up!
I’m going on a short vacation and Im hoping to be refreshed when I return. Time by myself at the beach…reading the bible that I have the freedom to own intently listening to what god has to chat with me about.
I have a beautiful pain behind my eyes. This part of my life is much harder than I ever couldve imagined it to be. I wanted so badly to grow up and have the chance to be on my own. Thought it’d be cool to eat ice cream for breakfast if I so chose to do so. But what now.
this whole trusting God thing…wow. I never wouldve thought I’d be put in such a predicament. I’m hurting and God is silent. Perfect timing right?
Today is a new day and I have the ability to do and try new things.
I’m going to try something new for myself but by no means is it a new concept.
I do not believe that I have honestly had to ever trust God more with anything than in my current situation. I’ve never felt more or have been more helpless in my life. It doesn’t feel good at all. I have always had the resources to do things as I please. I’ve always had something to fall back on if my original plan failed me.
That is where the trust comes in. This time there is nothing or anyone to fall back on. It will be God and God only holding me up this time.
Will I be able to rejoice evermore as he says to?
Welp here goes… I’m a new blogger bloggin from my new iPod. A whole new world and to me its all brand spankin new.
